It's quiet. And dark. And I have been alone all day.
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, in all it's marketable over-rated glory. Last year, even though I'd been with the same guy for years, Valentine's day was just like any other day. And I'm easy to please. I don't require a lot of money spent on me, or large fluffy stuffed animals that will collect dust and eventually be a nightmare for my allergies. Flowers die and chocolates (as wonderful as they are) go straight to my belly. Something about Valentine's Day though, I think it's more valuable to those who don't have someone telling them daily that they are loved. That guy last year, not really the overly affectionate, I-Love-You type. Hand holding, rare. Hugs, rare. Kisses, rare. Pretty much everything that I need in a relationship- rare. So Valentine's Day was inflated beyond what it had been in my years of marriage when I had a guy who multiple times a day professed his undying love for me, and occasionally to this day years post-divorce still does.
So here I am, knowing that Valentine's Day will be just like any other Monday for me, work till 5, school till 7:30, homework till I can't think anymore. And one second that realization seems extremely unimportant, and the next second it seems almost earth shattering in it's own dreariness.
I know I am loved, and that I have many friends, male and female, who would do just about anything for me. And I also know when I wake up on Tuesday morning, it'll be just like any other Tuesday, But for tomorrow, the day of love, something deep in my gut will not be content nor satisfied until the day is over.
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, in all it's marketable over-rated glory. Last year, even though I'd been with the same guy for years, Valentine's day was just like any other day. And I'm easy to please. I don't require a lot of money spent on me, or large fluffy stuffed animals that will collect dust and eventually be a nightmare for my allergies. Flowers die and chocolates (as wonderful as they are) go straight to my belly. Something about Valentine's Day though, I think it's more valuable to those who don't have someone telling them daily that they are loved. That guy last year, not really the overly affectionate, I-Love-You type. Hand holding, rare. Hugs, rare. Kisses, rare. Pretty much everything that I need in a relationship- rare. So Valentine's Day was inflated beyond what it had been in my years of marriage when I had a guy who multiple times a day professed his undying love for me, and occasionally to this day years post-divorce still does.
So here I am, knowing that Valentine's Day will be just like any other Monday for me, work till 5, school till 7:30, homework till I can't think anymore. And one second that realization seems extremely unimportant, and the next second it seems almost earth shattering in it's own dreariness.
I know I am loved, and that I have many friends, male and female, who would do just about anything for me. And I also know when I wake up on Tuesday morning, it'll be just like any other Tuesday, But for tomorrow, the day of love, something deep in my gut will not be content nor satisfied until the day is over.
I'm sorry Valentine's Day was not special for you. Maybe next year, you can love yourself. Flowers. A little love letter to yourself. Some chocolate. A day to love who you are and who you will be and who you used to be.
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